It's been a week... almost.

Sorry I haven't gotten to update you all on what's been going on. Honestly, pretty boring week. I just have been working on making sure the business is still going (shameless plug of my eBay selling) and that's all going okay for now. I think I'm going to seriously consider helping my mother in law more with her loan processing. Surprisingly, a lot of people ARE buying. It's the qualifying that's harder to do now.

Well, this weekend is one with the boys, so we have a schedule of trying to keep them busy and out of trouble. We try to go fly airplanes (model ones...) on Sundays but since it's been rainy, that's a no go. Instead, we avoid video games (even though we're avid gamers) and do things together, but that usually ends up just being shopping. I swear every time the boys are here they've grown a size and I have no clothes to fit them. Makes me feel like I'm one of 'those' moms. At least they enjoy eating a lot more of a variety. There was a time when I felt like *if* McDonald's ever stopped serving chicken mcnuggets my children would starve. Another 'mother of the year' point, there, right?

Stella is doing some good sleeping and I'm awake. Figures. She has learned that sleep is ok wherever she is, but one of her 'people' has to be near. I fear I've become one of her security blankets, but luckily, that will end soon enough. I remind myself that these phases don't last forever and we can have her acclimate to the daily routine. I think it's been so long I sort of forgot what that routine was!

The plan is for portraits some time this weekend. I'd love to get some photos of the big brothers with her and some shots of Artie and I considering we only have a couple photos of ourselves... and they're not flattering at all. A couple years ago, Artie looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over... I wasn't so far off from looking anorexic, either. We've both grown. And not vertically... but we are comfortable, happy, and healthy. We just look like a normal couple now. :)

Artie has settled in to his job and I am just trying to save to get myself back on the road. Every other weekend the trip to pick up my boys is good but I have to have someone take me. That someone is Artie's mother. I love the woman, but I feel so co-dependent and helpless having someone do that for me all the time. My time in the car was my time to reflect and just enjoy life. It may sound funny, but I love to drive. I pop in a CD, sing my heart out, and simply relish the outside world for those few hours. Plus, it's sort of an escape for me. It's hard to have simple freedoms taken from you, but the problem is it was my doing and it's something I have to live with until I can get it taken care of. Hopefully, it won't be long.

I am considering entering Stella in a little beauty pageant type thing for 'Cutest Baby of the Month' for March... wonder how that will turn out. I'll have to post pictures of her in her frilly daisy dress we got for her.

There's a job fair going on tomorrow at our local Starbucks. I'm hoping maybe I can get a part time spot there and have some steady *real* income. Wish me luck!

I am beginning to feel pretty alone here in this town. My only friends are my family. That's nice, of course, but I have only 2 people I consider close friends who aren't blood that I actually get to see. I've been putting a lot of emotion into the friends I have made on BBC (they're truly great sisters to me) but I guess I get depressed that I can't share time in person with them and meet their families and things. I'm a very social person and to only have one friend locally is depressing. She's busy a lot and also doesn't have children, so we don't really have much in common anymore. The other friend lives a bit further and she came for my baby shower which was WAY awesome of her, but she ended up having her 3rd child sometime this January and I haven't talked with her. Funny how we were talking about if we were going to have more kids then both end up pregnant!

I am seriously considering setting up a big meet with those BBC girls... when the kids are a bit older and hopefully none of us are pregnant again so we can all fly to our destination. I'd host it at my house, but I felt that somewhere in between was more appropriate so that it's not a cross country trip for some of them.

Another drawback is I tend to withdraw when I get sad. I'm a bad girl at keeping in touch sometimes and I don't want anyone to think that I'm avoiding them or that I'm shying away. I also fear that I come on too forward and attach quickly to people because of the fact that I lack adult female companionship. Ok, I'm SERIOUSLY sounding lame and pathetic here, but I figure I need to say it anyway. I hope people don't take me for a loser and a pathetic girl, but the sad truth is, sometimes, I am.

Ok, enough of that. Step one is to become more involved and let people know I care about them. I think of text messaging those in my little sewing circle, but don't want to impose so decide against it. Maybe I should just say hi every so often. After all, I enjoy random texts, too. Lets me know someone cared enough to go out of their way just to say hi. I suppose the 'do unto others' plays here... and I do believe that's true. Maybe I should begin practicing things I believe in.

Which could mean it's time to get out those books I used to read and get back into the things I'm passionate about!